It’s always nice to hear from people who have used the services
at Horses for Causes. One autistic boy came for therapeutic riding. Niall (not
his real name) was not very confident. As
with most people with Autistic Spectrum Disorders, he came with a long
catalogue of problems, issues and difficulties. The team at Horses for Causes
became firm friends with Niall’s parents and siblings. We’ve always kept in touch.
Recently Niall returned not for therapeutic riding but
for another equine assisted activity. This
time he was working from the ground. His mum told me that Niall had become upset
over an incident at school. He had become quiet and withdrawn because he could
not understand or process what had happened.
Two of his best friends at school had been fighting. They lied to a dinner lady to get out of
trouble. One of the boys later confessed to his dad that he had lied. The
father told him not to worry and that it was ok. Niall’s world is black and white. Social
stories don’t cut it. There’s no acceptance of “sometimes people lie”. His mum
tried to explain this to her son but Niall became upset. He didn’t know if he
could trust his friends. Perhaps they would lie to him too. Perhaps as they got
older they would get into serious trouble. A parent shouldn’t say it’s ok to
lie.
I spoke to a co facilitator and discussed ways in which
we could help Niall. It was a complex situation but, as ever, we managed to
pull something out of the bag.
The incident had happened before Christmas 2016. We were
now in the middle of January 2017. To go over the event was meaningless. Although
I am not from a mental health training background I am aware of cognitive
behavioural therapy. We decided to look at thoughts, feelings and behaviour.
Why do events have such an impact on our feelings and why we react to them as
we do?
In the session we laid a triangle of poles on the ground
in a small exercise pen. Our equine aid was Dusty, a pony with lots of character.
Our other visual aids were a handful of facial icons, similar to those smileys
on i-phones. We printed off colourful smiles, sad faces and angry expressions
on A4 paper and laminated them.
We asked Niall if he could recall a happy memory and
asked him to choose some faces that reflected how he felt at that particular
time. He placed the faces on the sides
of the triangle. Each side of the triangle represented thoughts, feelings and
behaviour. All went well. Then we asked
about a sad moment. Niall found it difficult to explain. He wanted mum to talk for him. I suggested to
my co facilitator and Niall’s mum that we all come up with a sad or not so
happy scenario. In turn we spoke to Niall and each other, sharing our “sad”
stories. We talked about our feelings -
how it made us feel and what we did with that feeling. We were careful about
our “sad” stuff choices. We avoided some issues like bereavement. After each
person had spoken, Niall hugged the person perhaps assuming it would make
things better.
While all this was happening we noticed Dusty was trying
to eat a holly bush. Niall decided that it wasn’t very nice and Dusty should
not eat. He went over, tapped him on his
side and told him not to eat it. Surprisingly, Dusty stopped eating and
followed Niall away from the holly bush. In any equine assisted learning
session we are always looking at what the horse does and we think about how it
relates to our own observations. Dusty looked at the triangle. The smile icon
caught his attention. He walked around the triangle, then walked through it and
trampled over some of the laminated sheets. Niall laughed and we joined in.
“Dusty has just walked all over my thoughts and feelings,”
said Niall.
Dusty returned to the holly bush and I had a light bulb
moment!!!!
You know, we can guide our friends away from trouble but
what they choose to do is entirely up to up to them. As much as we would like
to we cannot stop them doing harmful things. It was a simple message and you
didn’t have to be a young boy with autism to understand it.
“He’s a bit like my friend.”
Thank you, Dusty.
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