Wednesday, July 27, 2005


It has been a while since I posted anything. It is not that life has been boring and uninteresting, just that I have not felt like writing! That is a serious confession from someone who consider themsleves a writer!


A passion burns within my heart
That words fail to describe
I yearn to find a better way
To show you what's inside

A priceless jar, with precious oil
Held in my trembling hand
I break and empty at your feet
And know you'll understand

As fragments fall, I'm broken too
And what's inside spills out
That you accept this worship act
I have no cause to doubt

The jar cannot be mended or
What was inside restored
I cannot claim the treasure back
Upon your feet I poured

A sweet and fragrant perfume now
Pervades this holy place
And You, the source of my delight
Will meet me face to face

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Reach Out - I'll be There

Now if you feel that you can't go on
Because all of your hope is gone
And your life is filled with much confusion
Until happiness is just an illusion
And your world around is tumbling down
Reach out, reach out

I'll be there
With a love that will shelter you
I'll be there
With a love that will see you through

When you feel lost and about to give up
'cause your best just ain't good enough
And you feel that the world has grown cold
And you're stepping out - out on your own
And you need a hand - a hand to hold
Reach out, reach out

I'll be there
To love and comfort you
I'll be there
To cherish and care for you
I'll be there
To always see you through
I'll be there
To love and comfort you

I can tell the way you hang your head
You're without love and now you're afraid
And through your tears you look around
But there's no peace of mind to be found
I know what you're thinking, you're alone
No love of your own
Reach out, reach out

I'll be there
With a love that will shelter you
I'll be there
With a love that will see you through
I'll be there
To give you all the love you need
I'll be there
You can always depend on me
I'll be there
With a love that will shelter you
I'll be there
With a love that will see you through

Nice words! I just think of God singing them to me and I feel better!

I will be better tomorrow

I have been telling myself every day that I will be better tomorrow but it is not happening! I have to admit that I like the voice I have right now - it is very gravelly and sexy, two octaves lower than normal and unable to operate much above a whisper! If I could have that without the rest of it I would be fine. The rest of it includes episodes of coughing so severe that not only have the contents of my stomach made an appearance, but the stomach itself has almost popped out. I shall probably have to try to wean myself of Strepsils Extra one day too.

"I will be better by tomorrow" - I just wish that between now and tomorrow there wasn't a night to get through. Nights are not good. I am catching fleeting moments of sleep between grunts! Every so often I have to just sit up to let the coughing bouts subside!

Simon Goodall and I are spending nights together! The healing power of music - well, more the soothing power of music - is helping me through. On Simon's "Stay with Me" album after the very last song "Anchor Me" if you just leave it playing, after about three minutes another song kicks in - "Reach Out - I'll be There". It is a pop song and I guess Simon and the band are just playing with sounds and techniques, but as much as I love the rest of the album, I love that track in particular.

Ok let's get to the nitty gritty - why am I putting up with this rotten whatever it is and not praying for healing? Well, firstly I am - me with my sexy gravelly voice is asking for help. I like to pray out loud, but it hurts, and I know that you can pray on the inside too, I like the idea of lifting my voice to God, not my thoughts. Secondly, it feels kind of petty and selfish to pray for healing of a sore throat when the death count in London because of the bombs is rising and there are still people unaccounted for, and some people have really life threatening injuries. My sore throat is at worst an inconvenience. Thirdly, I have been reading Job - perhaps not the best thing to be reading when one is not well - and Job 35 has an excellent little verse tucked in there v14 "Your case is before Him and you must wait for Him."

The very first croaks I managed to throw before the throne of heaven were heard. Just because I didn't straight away receive what I asked for doesn't mean that God didn't hear. He heard the first time and the case is before God and I just need to wait.

And while I wait - don't try to get between me and my box of Strepsils!

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Falling Apart - painfully!

You would think I would know the routine by now. The first week of the holidays begins with a total wipe out of all my defences and all the bugs and virus's I have held at bay throughout the school term invade. Like the walls of Jericho, all it takes is a shout - "School's out for summer" - and the body just falls apart.

My skin hurts. It hurts to have anything touch it, which makes wearing clothes rather uncomfortable. Maybe I should spend my first week in a naturist community! My elbows and knees ache and even my hair - which was coloured, cut and blow dried yesterday for some grossly over the top price - that hurts too.

My head aches too but that could be just a caffeine deficiency since I don't have the energy to lift the kettle and boil water for a cup of tea.

I could put up with it all but for the grunting! Just as I am falling asleep, I grunt loud enough to wake myself up. Maybe it is me trying to clear my clogged throat, but it is not something I make a decision to do - I just grunt loudly. I get to the stage where I don't really want to go to bed because I know that I am going to grunt my way through the night.

You get the message? I am not feeling at my best. Pathetic!

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Mud thrown is ground lost

I got into an argument today. It was actually none of my business, but I stuck my nose in. I was walking along the road, minding my own business when I noticed two people arguing.

One of them, since he was standing behing a table adorned with tracts, was a Reformed Baptist. I don't like the word "reformed" as it makes me think of reformed ham, something that isn't a naturally occuring substance, but made from bits of something else - like Frankenstein's Monster. I digress! The other person was from one of the bands playing at the Jesus Fest in Falcon Square.

They were arguing about the music. I was actually too far away from them to hear the content of the argument, but I am sure it was about the music. The volume of it was loud and that prevented the RB's from talking to people. It was also indistiguishable from any other kind of rock music and was not...Christian? All I knew was that two people who were part of the body of Christ were not showing the world any kind of unity, but very visible and audible division. I wanted to go over to the Jesus Fest man and say something. There is a sense in that he is here for one big bang of an event and then he is gone, but these folk turn up week in week out with their stall and they will be around long after he has left Inverness. But I decided to give myself some time to think before I spoke and disappeared into M & S to buy odds and ends.

By the time I got out, the Jesus Fest man had gone but the three RB's by the table were in animated discussion about who was judging who, and who had said what to who, and who was in the right and who was in the wrong. It was petty and picky and not honouring to God.

So that is what I said. I reminded them that we were all part of the same body of Christ. We were all on the same side. I said that the Jesus Fest man loved God too and this was his way of witnessing.

Well, that was me opening a can of worms! There was no way they were going to concede that his music was godly, although they acknowledged that he might have been. They talked about young people that got lead astray by that kind of music. I replied that there was more than just the music, that the music was a way fo catching the attention of young people, but that it was a way into something much deeper. They went on to say that the only way of really catching people was through the word of God - which I don't dispute. Personally loud music does not do it for either, but it does for some.

I go to thinking later that when Jesus talked to people he caught their interest by talking about familiar things - sheep and shepherds, fishing and nets, seeds and sowers. People related to that becuase it was a part of their experiences. Talk to young people today about sheep and shepherds, or fishing and nets and you alienate yourself from them. What is familiar to them is loud music with a heavy beat.

I also go to thinking that young people view loud music differently to what I do. To me it is noise and I can't make out the words. Becuase they hear it all the time, they can tell what the words are. They don't see it the way that I do. Not everyone thinks the way I do about things at all.

Hey, way back at the turn of the century, the hymns we so revere as the right kind of Christian music were scorned by the church at the time as being out straight of the music hall.

I did come out with Paul saying that he was all things to all people to win the few. I got told that I was twisting scripture! Seems to me we can all the accused of twisting scripture to fit our own agendas.

How hard it is to lay aside our own small, unimportant and petty prejudices and let God do things His way.