Saturday, July 09, 2005

I will be better tomorrow

I have been telling myself every day that I will be better tomorrow but it is not happening! I have to admit that I like the voice I have right now - it is very gravelly and sexy, two octaves lower than normal and unable to operate much above a whisper! If I could have that without the rest of it I would be fine. The rest of it includes episodes of coughing so severe that not only have the contents of my stomach made an appearance, but the stomach itself has almost popped out. I shall probably have to try to wean myself of Strepsils Extra one day too.

"I will be better by tomorrow" - I just wish that between now and tomorrow there wasn't a night to get through. Nights are not good. I am catching fleeting moments of sleep between grunts! Every so often I have to just sit up to let the coughing bouts subside!

Simon Goodall and I are spending nights together! The healing power of music - well, more the soothing power of music - is helping me through. On Simon's "Stay with Me" album after the very last song "Anchor Me" if you just leave it playing, after about three minutes another song kicks in - "Reach Out - I'll be There". It is a pop song and I guess Simon and the band are just playing with sounds and techniques, but as much as I love the rest of the album, I love that track in particular.

Ok let's get to the nitty gritty - why am I putting up with this rotten whatever it is and not praying for healing? Well, firstly I am - me with my sexy gravelly voice is asking for help. I like to pray out loud, but it hurts, and I know that you can pray on the inside too, I like the idea of lifting my voice to God, not my thoughts. Secondly, it feels kind of petty and selfish to pray for healing of a sore throat when the death count in London because of the bombs is rising and there are still people unaccounted for, and some people have really life threatening injuries. My sore throat is at worst an inconvenience. Thirdly, I have been reading Job - perhaps not the best thing to be reading when one is not well - and Job 35 has an excellent little verse tucked in there v14 "Your case is before Him and you must wait for Him."

The very first croaks I managed to throw before the throne of heaven were heard. Just because I didn't straight away receive what I asked for doesn't mean that God didn't hear. He heard the first time and the case is before God and I just need to wait.

And while I wait - don't try to get between me and my box of Strepsils!

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