No lily floating on still waters

Do I look mean and aggressive or something? Do I have a face like skelped backside? Do I go around muttering humbug? I am beginning to wonder!

I went to Blue Flame last night. I no longer add the “prayer meeting” part of it as it doesn’t always feature prayer. There was a mixture of praise and worship, and prayer and prophecy. I felt somewhat intimidated when everyone bar one man arrived with guitars. I got offered the use of guitar and encouraged to “bring an instrument” next time. I began to wonder if I had gate-crashed the worship practice instead. I respectfully declined the offer of a guitar and explained that I wasn’t a musician. If I had been more “on the ball” I would have said that my voice was my instrument – and I never went anywhere without it!

The worship was excellent. There was one guitar player who was just awesome. What he played was prophetic – that is the only word I can think of. It wasn’t a specific tune, or a rhythm but stirring stuff that just came on in waves. It reminded me of being on a beach, and watching the tide come in – it was a wave of sound. It prompted me to be very still and soaking in the peace and tranquillity of being with God.

I really enjoyed the worship. I have to admit that it seems very unfair that they get at least four guitar players in their church where we have two – an unequal distribution of resources! But it is more than the music. The heart and the intimacy were there too.

After a time of worship we began to pray. Maybe it is because of Patricia King and her intercession prayer course, but I am aware that I pray differently. I think I am more aggressive in my prayers. The content and delivery is so different! I don’t seem to pray nice prayers, with nice words and nice sentiments. I pray like a seasoned warrior – like I am in a battle! They are fighting words!

One very big problem for me last night was the volume. We were in a big room, high ceiling and everyone prayed in such quiet tones – it was really quiet and because I honestly couldn’t hear what folks were praying I couldn’t add my “Amen”. I know that my ears are not functioning well. I have tinnitus – ringing in the ears – and there is constant noise that I have to hear above. There are some people that I have given up trying to hear – they speak too quietly and I can’t hear them above the ringing that is there already. I wanted to say “Speak up!” If I had to explain about the ear thing I might have had to fend off offers to pray for my ears and I know that my faith level is not there!

Words of prophecy were spoken over people – me included. The first comment – which I think was spot on – was about finding God in the quiet places, by the still waters. I am so aware of the need to simply “be” and not be concerned about what I “do”. That really did register with my spirit. I am busy and involved in things and time spent in quiet can only do good.

The other words were mostly based around the recognition that I was a warrior, dressed in armour and heading out to the frontline. God was dressing me armour, that was highly polished and that I wasn’t green behind the ears but a seasoned fighter! I went with the weapons of worship! I liked that! The first speaker immediately came in with the warning not to replace the battlefield for the still waters – the quietness was essential for preparation for the battles!

A final word that someone walked across the room to say was that I shouldn’t take things so seriously. I should lighten up and have fun with God! I know that I have heard that one before. I wasn’t told to giggle this time! This “fun” thing – why do people suppose I don’t have fun? What is wrong with being serious? What is “fun” about fun? I think it was Tozer that rote once that faith is a serious thing, not something to be casual about. I am not a miserable woman. I hope I don’t look miserable! There is deep seated joy within me that maybe doesn’t erupt out of me in giggles. Maybe I do forget to smile. Maybe I do sound serious. I want to learn to tremble before God like Isaiah did. There are enough gigglers and funsters. Why do I have to be another one? I enjoy my walk with God. Yes, God does tell me to lighten up on occasions and not take things so seriously – but I am not a giggler!

What has this got to do with lilies floating on still waters? Well, later on in the evening as everyone got their time on the hot seat a picture was given about a young woman. She was like a huge white water lily floating on still waters. That was how God saw her. On the tip of my tongue was a riposte which if I had been with people I knew well, I would have said. “How does she get to be a water lily floating on tranquil waters while I get to be dressed in armour and marched out to the front line? Why can’t I be the water lily? I didn’t say it! I have no answer to that one – except I think I have tried tranquil and gentle and I prefer the frontline!